regarding the spontaneous day of sunshine we experienced today, i'm realizing that i should probably address a necessity for sunlight. either i've been extremely deficient of vitamin D, or it's really been that gray and ugly for several months, but i couldn't help but feel euphoric sitting under a sunlight i hadn't recognized as march. it's that first experience of spring, when you feel warmth on your arms generating from a source that is not from within your own sleeves, it feels like it's been years since august, since you said the word summer and it held credibility. when it held weight, heat, truth. when i could walk and breathe at the same time, inhaling air that wasn't taught and frozen and dead, but infused with life and humidity. i could easily compare today's sensations with those that are experienced upon receiving an unexpected letter from a far-away friend. oh hey, sun. how you been?
i'm considering the conditions of something known as seasonal affective disorder. thank you, AP Psych. lack of sun exposure leads to symptoms similar to that of mild depression, feeling gloomy, for lack of a better word. when i get to thinking about sunnier climates, i question why i don't live in places like Florida or southern California. why don't we all live closer to the equator? is it just me, or aren't we all a little more grumpy when we're cold? waking up before daylight has often had an extremely dampening effect upon the rest of my day, for years. the cold in winter sure doesn't help, but waking up to sun, is like a promise that the day might actually feel like sun. like warmth. comfort. sun always has this analogy with happiness, but i'm actually believing it to be a legitimate relationship: sun evokes happiness.
sometimes, we feel aimless, and we are incapable of explaining why. i'd like to blame something once in a while, just to know there's a reason for it, and after today, winter sounds like a pretty suitable scapegoat for my persistent and contextually irrelevant gray demeanor over the past few weeks.
"keep me where the light is." –gravity by john mayer.