So here I am, wanting so badly to spring forward,
to leap out
and feel the thrill of falling
head over heels;
to feel the exhilaration
and the butterflies of cascading
into the unknown.
I want to fall fast,
to tumble and twirl and
Dive
head-first into the depths
of your soul
and swim up to your eyes
to see the pools where I reflect
and where I get lost.
I want to kick to the surface and know that
I can say
that I’m no longer afraid of heights
or depths,
to say I have no fear of sinking
because you make me feel buoyant.
You got me to climb, to feel so far,
and here I am at the top of the ladder,
but where did you go?
My heart keeps me from jumping.
It’s keeping my toes curled
at the edge of this board
because there’s too many unknowns and
the sun is staring me down,
blocking your rays and
all I see is yellow
as if you are the sun and
I become lost in your silence
and hesitant at my feet,
looking down into
where I want to be.
My knees quiver,
all I needed was a nudge.
But I’m backing down now
Finding your confidence in this
was a lie.